Podcast Guest to Host...and a Pattern

The things we keep doing - the little moments of self sabotage...why do we keep doing them once we catch onto them?

I promise it's not you, it's just a story your brain has been practicing for so long it feels like fact and you haven't slowed down long enough to pause the pattern.

Whether it is a story like "no one wants to hear what you have to say" that keeps you from showing up or a thought like "This is just who I am. I have no self control with food" and then you find yourself in the pantry elbow deep in Oreos - stories ultimately create patterns we don't like and it IS possible to change them.

In this episode I will break down the pattern process with emotional (over)eating as an example because who hasn't done this before?! But it is also the story of how I went from wanting to run and hide after being asked to be a podcast guest, multiple times, to hosting my own show and what I learned about the patterns our stories create along the way. Two different scenarios but the process to catch and shift a pattern is the same.

After you listen, maybe you'll spot a pattern in your own life you didn't realize was running the show.


PS - here are the episodes I was on as a guest: 

Cheetah Print

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cheetah-print-chats/id1676110289?i=1000741681688

Found at 40

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/found-at-40/id1822840175?i=1000762672327

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Guys, welcome back to Open Book with Ash. I'm your host, Ashley Molliter. And today we're just going to talk about how our brains can be assholes sometimes. Because they like to tell us stories and we don't really question them. We just believe them. And then sometimes those stories can keep us stuck or they create results in our lives that we don't necessarily like. And I get it. Like they can feel so freaking true, even when, in reality, if we were to stop and look at them and maybe shift that story, we would shift the pattern we don't like and create new results in our lives. Okay. So speaking of stories and patterns, people have told me forever to do a podcast. Okay. And the thing that my brain said over and over again is who would want to listen to you? And I believed that, right? There are so many people that are smarter, that have a podcast that have been doing this for forever. Like blah fucking blah. Like the list goes on and on of what my brain fed me. Who would want to listen to you was like the thought. And then there was just like this whole story built around it. But if I'm being honest, like I kind of secretly wanted to do a podcast too, but I definitely let this story win and I let it be the loudest thing for the longest time. So fast forward to this year after being a guest on other podcasts and with my desire to cut back on social media and really just wanting like a creative outlet where I could talk to you guys without algorithms and character limits and all of that, I kind of started to see this thought for more of what it really was, which was a bullshit story for my asshole brain, right? And I say that with all the sarcasm and love in the world, but that's really just what it was. And our brains really love to keep us small and safe. They like to be efficient. So starting a podcast and putting yourself out there in a new way to be seen is not efficient. And it's also not safe. Now keep in mind, this is our brain, right? This isn't reality. And maybe back in the day, like way back in caveman days, it made sense for our brains to keep us safe. We wanted to fit in. We wanted to be part of the pack. Like standing out could mean danger. But this story became more apparent to me in the past year. Like I said, when I was asked to be a guest on not one, but two podcasts. And I kind of started to notice the pattern it was creating. So obviously I didn't catch it at first, but when I did notice it, it kept popping up in different scenarios. And I was like, okay, this is not, this is not serving me. Like I, the same thing keeps happening. I get the same invite, the same story is there, and it's creating results that I don't want. So let's talk about how these kinds of stories can create patterns and keep you stuck, right? Now, if we back up, a few years ago, I was a part of a mastermind, and one of the amazing coaches in this group, after we were in Miami for a long weekend, was like, hey, I'd love to have you on my podcast so you can come talk about shitty self-talk and self-limiting beliefs. And now looking back, I'm like, oh my God, isn't that ironic? Oh my God, now I'm singing Alanis Morriside, you guys in my head. But isn't it ironic that I let my own self-limiting belief keep me from ever committing to her offer? I never followed through on that when she offered it to me. And then now, here we are more recently, my friend Jenny, who has a podcast called Cheetah Print Chats, um, asked me to be a guest on her show because she was starting to do more episodes with guests. And like normally it is a solo podcast for her. And the first time she asked, I came up with a lot of excuses about time and blah, blah, blah. I don't even remember. But I just kind of like let it go. Okay. And she was persistent. Thank you, Jenny. And she asked again. And I had the same thought the who wants to hear from you. Like, what who are you to be a guest on a podcast? Right. But I committed, anyways, with the thought lingering in the background, which kind of had me all up in my head, right? I was nervous that I was gonna mess it up. And it felt like a fact, though, this time, because I was doing this for the first time. Like, who does want to hear from me? Like, you've never done this before. These people listening to her podcast don't know you. So it kind of felt believable, right? I will say, like, once I got on Zoom with her and we started recording, it was so much easier than I realized. Even though I was holding back some, I wasn't fully being myself. It was easier because I know her and we were just having a conversation, right? Now the second person that came to me was Chrissy, and her podcast is called Found at 40. And I'm gonna link both of these episodes in the show notes. But it was kind of the same story, just a different scenario. And this time though, y'all, I went down like a social media rabbit hole. Um, so in a sense, like Chrissy's her podcast is her brand. So like her Instagram page left me a wide open space to dig and see all of the people that she's had on her podcast. And so I went digging. I did a little sleuthing on the internet, and I'm like, oh my gosh, like these people have huge followers. These people are more important than me. Uh, of course, people want to hear from them. And so it just kind of like solidified myself doubt. And I noticed it this time, and I was like, oh, hey, here's that thought again. Like, nobody wants to hear from you. These people are more important, they have, you know, a bigger following or whatever. So, same story, just a different outfit, right? So, but this one, my brain was like, Well, yeah, but like this is really true because look at all the interviews she's done. Because my brain, it's so good at arguing for my bullshit stories. Um, but I took it to my coach this time because I was like, you know what? I keep noticing this thing coming up. And each time I notice it, I get really nervous and it's just it's getting me all up in my head, and I'm spending more time preparing for what's supposed to just be a casual conversation. And I'm letting it just take up a whole lot of brain space, right? So I take it to my coach and we see it. We're like, oh yeah, this is this is the story you have, like the being seen as scary. But unfortunately, like you can take it to your coach, but something like this that has been practiced over and over again, it's not just like a snap your fingers and it's a gone kind of thing, which I wish I could tell you that uh it was, and that I miraculously like hopped on the phone with her for this podcast interview and everything was perfect. But I was definitely still in my head, even with the awareness, right? And you guys, I haven't really told anybody this, but I'm gonna tell you. I was so in my head that we decided to do another 15 minutes on the phone so that we could cover some of the things that like we just didn't get to. And I don't know whether it was we got off topic, but when it was all said and done and all clipped together, both of my podcast guest appearance actually, I would say that I was super proud of both of them. And you would probably never notice that I was all up in my head or nervous, but I felt it in my body, right? So, like I said, this kind of thing, it's not just like a snap your fingers and it's gone once you notice it. It takes practice, it takes redirection, it takes awareness. You don't go from being completely unaware of a story to noticing it to just being fixed. Like that's not how it works. You go from like unaware, aware, but still doing it, aware sooner, maybe aware before the story takes hold, and then you make different choices or you show up differently. Progress is not linear when you're trying to catch a story or a pattern and shift that story so that you create new results, right? It's like this big squiggly line, but it's happening. Okay, so let's use food actually as an example here. We'll talk about emotional eating because I feel like that might be something where it would feel more relatable and you might be able to see yourself in it. So say you want to stop eating a whole sleeve of Oreos whenever you're stressed out or you're sad. Insert whatever emotion here you feel when you like head to the pantry, right? Say you're having a shit day. You go to the pantry, you grab the Oreos, you eat the whole sleeve, and then afterwards you're like, What the fuck? Why did I just do that? Okay. This is where you're aware after the fact. And the next time you go back to the pantry after a work haul that left you feeling shitty, and maybe you eat half of it or whatever, like a fourth. And then you stop. You're aware, but you're still doing something you didn't want to do. Okay. And maybe the next day you're feeling whatever, I, you know, whatever emotion it is you're feeling sad, stressed, and you catch yourself walking to the pantry. You pause, you grab two, and then you walk away. So you're aware before now and you're choosing different, right? And then maybe the next time is you stopping, checking in and asking, okay, what do I really need right now? Like it might be a couple of Oreos and a walk, just not the whole sleeve, but it's that intentional pause and check-in that creates a whole new level of awareness for you to be able to shift the pattern from here on out. Now, don't get me wrong, there's gonna be times where you're gonna go back to the step where you eat a half of the sleeve, but that doesn't mean anything's gone wrong, right? Because, like I said before, this is a practice. This is part of the work. We're not looking for perfection, it's just catching it a little sooner each time. And it's gonna be the squiggly line, okay? All right, so back to the podcast drama. So after the guest appearance, I was like, I can do this. Like, I can be a podcast host. I have more to say. And if you know me, you know I love to talk, okay? But of course, my brain was like, oh, hey, hi, remember me? Let's have a little bit of drama first. Like, we're not gonna do this without some sort of pump the break situation from my brain, okay? I did all of the the like busy work first, right? The the signing up on Buzzsprout, the creating my thumbnail image, like all the things that are easy and fun. And then I went to record. And here comes that thought again. Just dressed up a little bit different this time. Like, you need to have this all figured out before you record. You have to explain everything in the first episode so people get it. Like, which that one cracks me up because if you think about it, like literally the whole point of a podcast is so that you can have multiple episodes to share all of the things, right? Like, hello, hi, thank you, brain. And then there was like the what ifs? What if nobody listens? What if you sound stupid? What if people judge you? Like, what if you're not good enough? It's like all of this different flavor of nobody wants to hear from you. Expand it's the expanded version, if you will. Okay. But I saw it this time, you guys. I saw it for what it was. And I acknowledged it. And to be quite honest with you, I still see it. I am recording this podcast, episode four. It's still there. But this time I'm like, yeah, Brain, being seen on a new level is scary. Okay. But I promise this is okay. We're all good here. And like I said, I'm on episode four and I still hear the same story, wanting to take hold, but it's quieter than before. And that's the work, you guys. When a story shows up that's creating a pattern in your life that you know isn't serving you, it is a practice to not let it be the loudest in the room. It can be there, but it doesn't get to run the show. Me being here right now is proof that the story that we tell ourselves is just that a story. And it was definitely creating a pattern that didn't serve me and it would have kept me small. And that's kind of the whole point of everything I do and talk about around here is these stories show up everywhere. They show up around your body and your marriage as a mom in your career. So if you keep repeating something that you don't like or isn't serving you, and you're onto yourself, welcome to being human. It's probably just a story that you haven't stopped long enough to catch, like, you know, calling it out on its own bullshit. But once you do, remember the practice to change that story and the pattern it's creating is not going to be a straight line. It's going to be a big old squiggle, and that is perfectly okay. Nothing has gone wrong. You guys, all of that to say, thank you for being here with me as I work through this no one wants to hear what I have to say story in real time, because I'm fairly certain if we actually looked at the progress of me working through it, like if we put it down on paper, it would literally look like a spirograph and it would be a mess. But that's okay because that's normal and that's part of the practice and the work. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you again for tuning in this week. As always, take what fits, leave the rest, and I'll talk to you next time, friends.